The Adventures of the Pranking Trio
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: The epic tale of how Hermione and the Weasley twins drive Umbridge out of Hogwarts, spend a month annoying Voldemort and then raise a de-aged Bellatrix and Voldemort while bugging the Order.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

AN: So I've decided to put Never Mess with Bookworms or Prankster, A Month With Voldie and The Pranking Trio and The Order all as one story instead of separate fics.

If Dolores Umbridge had of known, that using a blood quill on a first year Gryffindor would cause Hermione Granger and The Weasley twins to team up to bring her down; maybe she wouldn't have, but she did and now they were going to make her pay.

Hermione insisted that she'd do the first prank to the twins.

The twins agreed for two reasons: one they wanted to see if Hermione really would go through with a prank, and two because Hermione scared them a little.

Hermione chose to perform the prank in Umbridge's class considering no one really learnt anything, and it would liven things up a bit.

Now the lesson started the way it usually did, Umbridge droning' on until she got around to asking a question that no one was interested in answering.

Hermione raised her hand slowly into the air, and then began waving it in an excited manner so Umbridge would choose her to answer.

Not that she had much choice because no one else had put their hand up.

"Miss Granger," Umbridge acknowledged in a sickly sweet tone.

A tone that made Hermione along with several others want to see her get eaten alive by a dragon.

"Where is the hideout of the Care Bears, my toad look-a-like friend?," Hermione asked seriously. Her face the picture of innocence as Umbridge blinked several times trying to digest the question, and insult aimed at her.

"Miss Granger, that has nothing to with the question I asked. I'm afraid you'll be serving detention with me tonight." Umbridge informed Hermione, with the other students waiting to see what Hermione would do or say in response.

"There's a reason I didn't answer your question, I wasn't listening to you so I don't know what it was. Another thing you can't order me around because you'renot my mum. Unless you are my mum, oh Merlin kill me now Umbridge is my mum," Hermione cried out, as she got up from her seat, and launched herself at Harry.

She flung her arms around him and began to fake sob. At times howling the words "Why me" and "I want a pony".

Umbridge looked like she was going to have hissy fit any second. "Miss Granger, remove yourself from Mister Potter!,"

"Harry doesn't mind and I'm rather comfortable so how about I stay where I am?," Hermione asked, already knowing that Umbridge would say no.

Harry had no time to comment on whether he minded or not because Umbridge came across the room, and pulled Hermione off him.

It was at that moment Umbridge turned bright blue.

Later when Harry asked Hermione how she'd turned Umbridge blue she grinned like a maniac and replied "Magic".

Hermione walked to detention with Fred and George who had detention for turning up to dinner naked.

Harry just because Umbridge hated him, and Luna for reasons that were unknown to the rest of the group.

When they entered the classroom and saw the false smile on Umbridge's face; all five of them knew she was planning to make them use a blood quill.

What Umbridge didn't know was that Hermione, and the twins had a plan.

"You will write, I must respect authority, let's say three hundred times," Umbridge ordered the moment they'd sat down.

"We do respect authority, just not yours, " Fred explained to the glaring Defence against the Dark Arts Professor. "Anyway I'd be more concerned about the army of bears behind you."  
"You're wrong Freddie, she should be concerned about the gorilla in her bedroom," George told his twin.

"You're both wrong, I think she should be more worried about the dungbombs,fireworks and melted cheese under her chair, which will explode when I press this button here," Hermione said, holding a box with a red button squarely in the middle.

Umbridge just about had enough time to get off the chair, before Hermione pressed the button.

All over the castle people could hear the sounds of fireworks exploding, Umbridge screeching and full blown laughter.

"Georgie, Hermione, I think the punishment we're going to get from this, is definitely worth it.' Fred told them, as everyone in the room watched Umbridge freak out over the melted cheese in her hair.

"Here have some popcorn," Hermione said, passing a bag of popcorn to Fred.

"Thanks, why in Merlin's name did you bring popcorn Hermione?," Fred asked, passing the bag back to Hermione.

Hermione offered the popcorn to Harry and Luna, but both were laughing too much at Umbridge, who was being chased around by a firework.

"I thought we might get hungry, I mean the fireworks are charmed to torment Umbridge for hours," Hermione replied, grinning at the twins.

Every student in that room couldn't help thinking that if all detentions were this fun, they wouldn't mind having detention every day.

AN2: Read and Review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.**

In public Dumbledore condemned the prank on Umbridge behind closed doors he laughed for a good ten minutes.

He didn't want to punish Hermione and the twins, but with Umbridge just waiting for any excuse to oust him as headmaster; he no choice, but to hand out a punishment.

The only thing he could do was make it a lenient punishment.

* * *

Hermione found the idea of her and the twins having to help Dobby make Chocolate chip cookies for the weekly staff meeting a rather, gentle punishment for the damage they caused, but who was she to argue?.

Dobby didn't actually want them to do anything and insisted more than once that they shouldn't.

Although Hermione offered several times.

"Dobby, does Umbridge eat theses cookies?," Fred asked, his brain beginning to plan the perfect prank.

"I think so Mister Wheezy Sir, why?," Dobby asked, narrowing his eyes at Fred.

"No reason, just curious," Fred said, grinning at his brother and Hermione.

"Mister Wheezy, is plotting to do something to theses cookies. Mister Wheezy is going to get Dobby into trouble, bad Mister Wheezy," Dobby chided, wagging his finger at Fred.

Hermione and George were laughing so hard at the look on Fred's face at being scolded by the elf, that it hurt to breath.

"Don't worry Dobby, I won't let bad Mister Wheezy get you into trouble," Hermione managed to choke out, as she began to stop laughing.

"Oh come on Hermione, it'd be hilarious to spike the cookies and watch the staff freak out!," Fred pleaded, and pouted at Hermione in the hope of changing her mind.

"He's kind of got a point, Hermione," George said, backing up his twin. Because he did think it'd be hilarious, and if he didn't have Fred's back then who else would?.

"Listen here, we are not doing anything to theses cookies, we are not risking getting Dobby into to trouble. Am I clear?," Hermione said, her tone scarily like McGonagall when she was annoyed.

Dobby grinned at the sight of the twins cowering in fear because of Hermione.

"Crystal, Hermione," the twins said in sync.

"Good, now I'm going to check on the first batch of cookies, if they do anything to the cookie dough Dobby, throw eggs at them.,"Hermione said, before going to the oven section of the kitchen.

Hermione was gone for all of five minutes, she could have never imagined how much mayhem a House Elf and, the Weasley twins could of caused in those five minutes.

"Dobby, let's be reasonable, you let me spike the cookies and I'll give you lots of socks," Fred said, using his most persuasive grin on Dobby.

"Mister Wheezy, no spiking cookies!,"Dobby said, launching an egg at Fred's face.

The egg missed Fred, but landed on George's head.

"Sorry, other Mister Wheezy," Dobby said, the apology would have been more believable if he wasn't sniggering.

Fred and George looked at each other, both nodded their heads; Fred grabbed a bag of flour and George grabbed some tomatoes.

Which were supposed to be used for dinner that evening, they both started throwing the flour and tomatoes at Dobby.

Dobby threw eggs back at them Hermione looked at the scene in front of her, the twins covered in eggs and Dobby covered in a mixture of tomatoes and flour, the walls covered in all of three them.

"For the love of dancing pineapples, what is going on in here?," Hermione asked, making the twins and Dobby freeze on the spot.

"Bad Misters Wheezys tried spiking cookies, Dobby did what Miss said and threw eggs, but bad Mister Wheezys threw flour and tomatoes at Dobby,"Dobby explained, using his most innocent facial expression.

Hermione was now glaring at the twins so hard they thought they might burst into flames, "Did they?, Well Dobby, bad Mister Wheezys are going to clean up this mess while you show me your sock collection."

Hermione gave the twins one last glare before going off and looking at Dobby's sock collection.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.

AN: Please review.

The twins reluctantly let go of the idea of spiking cookies, but only after Hermione threatened to feed them to the Giant squid if she heard them whine about it anymore.

Instead they decided they'd just annoy Umbridge in their Defence against the Dark Arts lesson.

The Twins arrived for the lesson late, dressed in pink bathrobes and blue tights; their faces painted bright yellow.

The moment they entered the classroom, there was sniggering from the other students.

"Why are you late and not in proper uniform?" Umbridge asked, not even bothering to fake her usual smile or giggle.

"We were on our way to class when we were attacked by a panda who stole our clothes. We were left completely butt-naked and freezing in the corridor" Fred explained, making his voice sound as dramatic as possible.

Lee Jordan shook his and mouthed the words "Worst excuse ever" at Fred.

"Knowing that we couldn't turn up to class naked, we went in search for something we could cover up with. That's when we met a unicorn who offered us two pairs of blue tights in exchange for letting him paint our faces yellow, " George said, using the same dramatic tone as his twin.

"Well we agreed for two reasons" Fred said, taking over from George. "One: We wanted to cover ourselves up and two: it was a talking unicorn so we were kind off freaked out. Anyway we had our faces painted then we went skipping through the corridors singing the school song until we ran into a badger who gave us pink robes for an exchange of a lock of hair, then we came to class".

"And that is why we're not wearing our uniform," Fred and George said in sync.

Umbridge looked at the twins as if they'd just sprouted wings and grown six arms,"Mister Weasleys as fastening as that story was, sit down and shut-up. Oh and detention tonight with me.

The twins had the perfect prank in mind for their detention with the help of Hermione and the loan of Lee Jordan's commentary equipment they were certain' they could pull it off.

It seemed alot of students had managed to upset the toad that day.

Every chair was filled, from first years to seventh years,Gryffindor to Hufflepuff were in the classroom.

"You are all here because you are unable to follow the simplest of rules. And for that, you must be punished, pick up your quills. You will write 'I must obey the rules' five hundred times," Umbridge told the glaring students, with fake sweetness in her voice.

"You've really learnt nothing have you, Toad face," Hermione's disguised voice rang out through the classroom.

Umbridge looked around the classroom trying to find out where the voice was coming from, "Who said that?,"Umbridge demanded.

"Who I am is not important, what I'm going to do is. Now look up at the ceiling,"Hermione's voice boomed twins smirked at each other as Umbridge saw the blue bags charmed to the ceiling. "Now, you're probably wondering why you have bags stuck to the ceiling. The reason is simple, the bags are filled with wasps, spiders and poisonous snakes. All charmed to attack you Umbridge, unless my demands are met," Hermione said, her voice cold and serious.

Every student in the room looked at Umbridge for her response, "What demands?,"Umbridge asked, slightly shaken at thought at being attacked by poisonous snakes and the like.

"Release all the students in detention now or I'll split the bags open," Hermione demanded.

Umbridge considered the request; let them go and seem weak, or make them stay and have wasps, spiders and snakes attack her.

"Fine, you may all go,"Umbridge said, the way out of the classroom the twins spilt the bags open, Hermione had been bags were filled with cockroaches and flies, on the ground they couldn't find any poisonous snakes


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

Thank you to my readers and reviewers, thanks to everyone who has favorited and followed.

The twins and Hermione were in trouble. They knew that from the terrifying glare Professor McGonagall was giving them.

They just didn't know specifically what they were in trouble for.

"Professor, whatever we did It's the flying fish from the chocolate mountain's fault,"Fred told her, causing Hermione and George to start giggling.

Professor McGonagall shot all three of them a murderous look, "As all three of you know, Professor Umbridge regularly checks the mail," Professor McGonagall said, her voice stern.

"Really Minnie, we never would have guessed, it's not like our mail comes to us ripped open," Hermione said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Professor McGonagall ignored Hermione's comment, "Professor Umbridge, went through some outgoing mail today and found this," Professor McGonagall said holding up a white letter.

"As much as we like a good story Professor, is there a point to this?,"George asked cheekily.

"Yes, Mr. Weasley there is a point. The point is this letter." Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and began to read "Dear Voldie, could you please come and kill Umbridge. She's trying to steal your crown as the most evil dude going or if you can't come to kill her, please send Bellatrix from Fred and George Weasley and Hermione Granger, P.S there's cookies and cupcakes in it for you."

All three students grinned, "I'm so glad you three find this amusing because I don't, how could you write to He-who-must-not be Named asking him to kill someone?," Professor McGonagall asked.

"Rather easily actually, Professor,"the twins said in sync.

Hermione faked a cough to try and hide her laughter, "All three of you will be serving detention with me tonight, you will be writing lines, you will write, I must not write to the darkest wizard of all time asking him to kill someone, now go,"Professor McGonagall told them.

As all three left, they all had the same thought, 'I wonder if we can write to werewolves asking them to eat Umbridge'.

Hermione and the twins decided that they would each write a letter to a werewolf called Greyback, an whichever was the best, would be the one that was sent.

All three of them sat in an empty classroom, writing their letters,"Aren't you finished yet Hermione? Fred and I have been finished in ten minutes," George whined.

Hermione rolled her eyes, the twins could be so impatient at times, "You two could always read yours out while I'm writing." Hermione told them.

"George you can go first," Fred told him.

"Dear Greyback, please come and eat are D.A.D.A teacher Umbridge, she probably tastes really horrible, but we will pay handsomely for you to do it, Sincerely George Weasley." George read grinning.

"Oh, please that's not a letter, this is!," Fred said."Dear Greyback, if you come and eat Umbridge, I'll give you candy. Fred Weasley, P.S, you smell." Fred read out, looking smug because he believed his was the best.

"Please, they are both stupid, mines the best," Hermione told them."Dear Greyback, you turned my friend, Remus Lupin into a werewolf, you are a complete horses parasite, but you're the kind of person we need to deal with Umbridge, so please come to Hogwarts and eat her, or if you don't fancy eating her, use her as a chew toy, and we will pay you with steaks, Hermione Granger, P.S go eat silver you git." Hermione read seriously.

"We love it!, Hermione its got everything insults, bribery the works" the twins said in sync.

"Good, you can send it, I've got a D.A.D.A lesson to get to, and we mustn't keep toadface waiting," Hermione said smirking, before leaving.

Hermione made it to Umbridge's class just in time, "Drum roll people I'm here," Hermione said, entering the classroom.

"Miss Granger, sit down so I can get on with the lesson," Umbridge said.

"Um, I don't want to sit down, but what I do want is some cookies and milk, or maybe a chocolate milkshake and a triple chocolate muffin, which one do you think I should get?," Hermione asked.

"Miss Granger, this is a classroom. a place to learn, not a place to eat, now sit down," Umbridge demanded.

Hermione pouted as she sat down 'You're really mean, the demonic goat who taught me the alphabet would let me eat in his class," Hermione said sulkily.

Hermione could see it was taking all Umbridge control not shriek like the banshee she was and with a little more pushing could make her lose control.

"I DEMAND YOU LET ME GO AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT, AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL SET MY DONKEY ON YOU, AND THEN YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY," Hermione shrieked, while kicking her legs wildly under the table.

The whole class could hear Umbridge's intake of breath, "Fine, Go get yourself something to eat miss Granger, but you'll make up what you missed in detention." Umbridge said smirking.

"Great, See you later suckers," Hermione said, skipping out the classroom, humming Mary had a little Lamb as she went. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter. **

**A massive thank you to my readers and reviewers.**

Umbridge ending up in the hospital wing was a complete an utter accident. Okay, it wasn't, but Hermione and the twins were not going to admit that to a glaring Professor McGonagall.

"What on earth possessed you three to put a dragon in Professor Umbridge quarters, more to the point, how on did you mange to get a fully grown dragon into the castle without being seen or heard?." Professor McGonagall asked, her voice so sharp it could cut a boulder in half.

The twins and Hermione looked at each other as if picking who should explain to the clearly very annoyed Professor.

"It wasn't a real dragon professor, Hermione transfigured Umbridge's bed into a dragon, the spell will wear off in the next two days." Fred told her trying to look sorry, but failing.

"Yeah, Minnie we are not stupid enough to try to handle a real dragon." George explained, as if she should already know that.

"No, I'm not stupid enough, you two wrote to Charlie requesting a real one."Hermione muttered, under her breath.

Professor McGonagall looked at all three of them as if to say 'really, that's the excuse you're going to use '.

"Okay, so we've got to the how, now let's have the why?" Professor McGonagall questioned.

"Well, we thought toad woman might be lonely, here where everyone wants to shove a carrot up nose. So, we came up with the idea that maybe if she had a pet and wasn't so lonely, she wouldn't be so horrible." Fred replied, in a serious tone.

"For many days we thought really hard about what kind pet would suit Umbridge, eventually decided that a dragon would be perfect," George babbled, his face trying to show how long and hard the group had thought about it.

"Well, we knew a real dragon would be dangerous, so I transfigured Umbridge bed in to dragon thinking she'd appreciate it, but did she, no instead, she shrieked like a banshee about it trying to eat her." Hermione finished explaining, her tone outraged that Umbridge hadn't liked the dragon.

Professor McGonagall shook her head, she didn't believe a word of their explanation on why the group had done what they did it.

"Well, all three of your concerns for Professor Umbridge loneliness has ended up with her unconscious from fear, Gryffindor losing three hundred house points and you three in detention for next month. That is all I have to say; leave." Professor McGonagall told them.

***L*I*N*E*B*R*E*A*K**

Hermione was feeling a bit bad about losing three hundred points from Gryffindor so she came up with a plan to get them back plus a hundred bonus points for Gryffindor. Professor Snape was going to be the person to make all of this happen.

Professor Snape was in charge of overseeing Hermione's detention that evening and Professor McGonagall was overseeing the twins detention. It was supposed to be Umbridge, but she had mysteriously broken out in purple boils that oozed blue pus.

Hermione sat in detention, swinging her feet underneath her seat. "Hey Professor Sevvie, is it true that you're married to Filch?" Hermione asked, innocently.

Snape looked up from the essays he was marking and glared at Hermione, "No! it is not true that I am married to Filch and where would you even get the idea that I am?".

"Voldemort told me you were, in his last letter to me." Hermione told him.

Professor Snape looked slightly startled for a second at hearing the Dark Lord's name.

"Why would the Dark Lord tell you I'm married to Filch and why is he even writing to you?" Snape questioned, his eyebrow arched in 'disbelief'.

"I don't know why he would tell me you're married to Filch if you're not," Hermione replied, looking confused by it all. "And he's writing to me because he wants me to spy on you to find out if you're loyal to the order or him."

Snape's expression changed several times from disbelief to scowling.

"Miss Granger, I highly doubt that the Dark Lord is writing you."

"It is true, why do you think I wrote to him asking him to kill Umbridge, it's because we've sent letters to each other for weeks."Hermione lied.

"Miss Granger, if what you are saying is true, I demand you stop writing to the Dark Lord" Snape told her.

"Fine, but only if you award Gryffindor four hundred points as an incentive," Hermione demanded smiling sweetly.

Professor Snape was pretty sure that all of this was a lie, but then again, he and everyone else had been sure that Peter Pettigrew was trust worthy. So he awarded the points knowing that within two days they'd be gone anyway.


End file.
